Who would have thought a small squirrel could actually cause a power outage resulting in an enormous tie-up of thousands of commuters in
A squirrel climbed onto the Metro-North Commuter Railroad power lines Monday causing an electrical power surge which weakened an overhead bracket. The weakened bracket left a wire dangling down which got entangled in a train passing underneath and ended up tearing down all the lines. This caused a loss of power resulting in a delay for 47,000 rail commuters as well as the afternoon transit commute in
You're on the right track, but this still needs work. How about something like: All it took was one small squirrel to create one big problem for rail commuters trying to get out of Manhattan yesterday afternoon.
ReplyDeleteThen you can explain that the squirrel caused a power outage that stranded 47,000 commuters, etc. Then explain how that happened.
Keep it short. No more than 2 sentences per paragraph, please.
Get rid of "reports that sadly" (opinion) -- just use "said."
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